Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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