Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dick very happy bro
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