While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
