We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
