as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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