Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
