I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
PS: I just woke up from my shower
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
