I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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