do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
