Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we made out on top of his cat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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