I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
