Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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