In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
