This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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