i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
