i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
