Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this boner is exhausting
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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