Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
