Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
