I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize