I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
