It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
