Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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