am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
