Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
