nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
