he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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