I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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