Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Randomize
