Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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