I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
