i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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