Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
