Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
