Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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