3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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