i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
