You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
