wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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