woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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