oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
