I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
