Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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