I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
