the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
