i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
