yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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