I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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