Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
