Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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