She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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