I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize