One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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