Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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