my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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