Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize