Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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