his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
