P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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