When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
