Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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