I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
