I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
