The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize