I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
