Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
