I can text with my tongue
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
