i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
handjob tips. give me some.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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