I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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