so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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