so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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