How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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