I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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