does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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