I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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