my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
