Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
