Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
