Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
