I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
