Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
