i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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