Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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