At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
