Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
