I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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