woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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