I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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