So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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