is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize