I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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