Just cropdusted the office
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
