3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
