i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
