so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
