Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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