Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
