I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
