peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
