I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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