I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
