everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
