Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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