Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize