Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
