Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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