Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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