I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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