Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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